There - 1 Year Later

Rachel Jones

A year ago, I wrote about being in the in-between. Twelve months later, I feel… there.

Not in a Look, I made it! way, but more in an I’ve arrived kind of way. A soft landing. A peaceful, happy hi! Like arriving somewhere both familiar and new.

Areas of my life have quietly bloomed: strength in my body, softness in my heart, and a steadier kind of joy. By June, I’ve unintentionally checked off most of my 2025 bingo card** but beneath the wins was something more meaningful.

I learned something unglamorous about unconditional love: you cannot give it to anyone else until you give it to yourself. It’s funny to be unconditionally loved by your family, yet not have known to extend that same grace inward. But when you do give it to yourself, it feels like magic. It softens the edges. It reflects back to you in your outer world with brighter colours.

A big part of this shift has actually been through sports. For the longest time, I judged myself for being too “boyish” when running, biking, HIIT, etc. I thought it wasn’t “feminine”, it was “too much”.*** Eventually, my body responded the only way it knew how: it slowed down. It stopped letting me do the things I loved.

But this year, I gave myself full permission to do what I love, unapologetically. Slowly, my body came back stronger than ever. My mind is now reliant on only fish oil and dark chocolate. Hair and nails? Long and strong. I am rebuilding trust, joy, and a version of myself I really love being around.

In January, I set a bold goal: a 1:45 half-marathon in May. I was running maybe 10 km a month at the time, pace around 5:45-6:00/km - I needed 4:58/km. Lol. ChatGPT wrote me a 3-day-a-week plan. I downgraded the goal to 1:53… then said, screw it, I’ll stay consistent and try for 1:45.

On race day (May 25th), Kass and I found ourselves at the back of the blue corral, where the slowest pacer was the 1:40 bunny. We figured we’d fall back to the 1:45 and “stick to the plan”. We started with the 1:40, and… it felt good. Plan went out the window. The race energy was electric: favourite playlist in one ear, laughing at hilarious posters, and two high-fives from my beaming dad along the way. At 17 km, I was still feeling strong, so I sped up. I finished with a negative split and a 1:38 (!!!) PR. Completely shocked myself. I had the biggest smile on my face and so much gratitude for my body.

In February, I tried a free class at TFL after a friend raved about the HIIT workouts and community, where the latter sold me. Three months in, I still look forward to every class. I’ve made new wonderful girlfriends, brought in a few of my own, and feel so warmly welcomed. TFL is absolutely behind the 1:38.

In May, another magic sprinkle-sprinkle…my beloved Toronto run store/club opens up an Ottawa location in my neighbourhood. Suddenly, I have a running group down the street. Our last long Sunday run was full of yaps and laughs and a strange feeling of “How have we not known each other for years?”. How is that possible?

Letting myself do the things I love (running, biking, strength training) without apology has been a real act of self-love for me. In a funny twist, this so-called “masculine” energy has attracted delightfully unexpected moments: strangers are asking me out mid bike ride (“I saw your long hair, you were jamming to your music”) or at red lights on runs (“Hey are you doing a tempo?”). Cheeky universe!

The shift in myself is reflecting in all relationships. Old friends reconnected out of the blue, our friendships reblooming with new colours. A few friendships quietly faded. Sad, but understood. When someone’s presence starts to drain you and there’s no clear fix, creating distance can be a kindness to both with no one to blame. Our inner worlds reflect directly into the outer. Sometimes, as Mel Robbins says, key friendship pillars (proximity, timing, energy) also shift. But don’t worry, the universe is good at filling space with love in another form, often even greater. I now actually laugh when friends say they want to get my thoughts on something because of my “calm, positive energy”.

And perhaps the biggest surprise of all: work.

On the first morning of my new job, I called my mum in tears: “Muuuuum, I work for the governmennnnnt (cries in Ottawa public servant)”.

Her response: Get it together.

My counter response: “Muuummm you don’t understanddddd!”

She, of course, did understand.

Turns out… I LOVE my job. I love my team. I love the work. I feel so purposeful. I get to nerd out about finance AND economics AND markets with brilliant, kind people - and I leave the office by 5pm. I see my friends, run, bike, gym. I’m on a summer sports team! I’ve taken colleagues and the Bank of Canada team on art tours! Our team manages $1.3 trillion on behalf of millions of Canadians - what! I am giddy about how much more there is to learn in the global bond market. 10/10 would recommend.

Also turns out work is not your whole life??? It doesn’t need to take up your entire brain space??? It can be a side quest of joy and curiosity and stimulation while increasing your happiness, health and wealth???

I feel whole and fulfilled. I am free. I am completely free of anxiety and fear. I’ve rewired my mind to have my body walk around with a constant warm fuzzy glow within me. I’ve been serious about doing the daily inner work for 164 days straight (and counting) and magic is quietly showing up everywhere.

Here are a few photos from my runs, workouts, the art event I co-hosted last night, and other moments of joy (still no IG… so here you go).

I feel happy. Peaceful. Stable. Steady. Not finished of course, but no longer stuck in the in-between. Arrived. I’m really excited to see what the rest of this year holds. What another 164 days can do. I am also very excited for December and next June sport-wise… stay tuned. :)

PS: I am happy to share what has helped me in those 164 days privately if you are in it, too. It does not happen after a podcast or a book. There is no quick fix. I cut out social media (except Strava) and am very selective of the media I consume. It is possible, so worth it, and your inner state completely reflects in your outer reality.

PPS: Love always wins.

**Highly recommend making a 2025 vision board a la bingo card and taping it above your bed. Canva.

***No, this did not extend to any other women but myself. Silly, right? We all have our own… nonsense.